The Problem
The Finish of an Period Half I
Season 40
Episode 18
Editor’s Score
3 stars
***
Picture: MTV
Formally aboard their new residence, the Sinister, our eight finalists discover the, erm, bowels of their crib, together with a sleeping dungeon that jogs my memory somewhat an excessive amount of of the basement from Barbarian. Let me simply inform you, the lighting down there may be terrible. Everybody seems to be both ashen or seasick — the place’s the Alix Earle ring mild whenever you want it? Carboloading forward of tomorrow’s Jigsaw torture funhouse, the gamers stuff their faces with some unhappy Stouffer’s meal from the Divorced Dad assortment.
After a number of whining from Jenny and a mud incident that has Jordan hamming it up like a soccer participant flopping for a foul, the gamers tuck in for a couple of hours of sleep. At 6 a.m., they’re awoken by T.J., who will need to have needed to rise up when? At 4 a.m. for glam and transportation? He’s the true hero.
Earlier than the Closing begins, T.J. lastly explains the breakdown of the million-dollar prize pot. The female and male who place in spots one by way of three will every win money — $400,000, $75,000, and $25,000, respectively. I respect that they’re making an effort to reward the vast majority of finalists only for finishing the course, however I’m nonetheless shook that they couldn’t pony up somewhat additional for a celebration season. After taxes the winners are strolling away with round $200,000 for 3 months of filming and a grueling Closing — the winner of Survivor 47 scooped up greater than double that only for lounging on the seaside in Fiji for 26 days munching on french fries. Jenny’s boasting about how when she wins, she’s going to “spoil” this individual and that individual along with her huge riches and I’m like, lady, all that cash goes to get you is a pair group dinners at Nobu and perhaps some new tires on your automobile. IN THIS ECONOMY?!
Then there’s the matter of the Karma Vote. T.J. does a shit job explaining how precisely these votes will think about, but it surely appears to be that the overall factors that every finalist acquired (between 1 and 5 from every of the 32 eradicated contestants) might be added to their remaining rating. So, let’s say Derek will get all fives for being a likable mensch; that’s 160 additional factors. As a result of it’s unclear what number of factors are at stake within the Closing itself, we’ve no manner of figuring out to what diploma this might influence the outcomes, besides that the Karma Winner is enjoying with some kind of handicap whereas the Karma Loser is taking quaint Tonya Harding to the knees.
The entire idea is totally confounding and fully anathema to the ethos of the present. Even within the intro to the episode, T.J. lauds 40 as “essentially the most cutthroat season ever” (certain, Chris Harrison). A part of what differentiates The Problem from Survivor and Large Brother is you don’t must curry favor with a jury, so that you might be as obnoxious as you need to your rivals so long as you’ll be able to put your cash the place your mouth is within the enviornment. Plus, these gamers have identified one another for many years and aren’t basing their votes on how a lot integrity every finalist performed with throughout this explicit season of the sport — it’s all knowledgeable by lengthy standing friendships, grudges, and irrelevant emotions; KellyAnne offers Tori fewer factors as a result of she already makes good cash on OnlyFans, and even Bananas’s primary boy, Leroy, docks him a couple of since he’s already gained seven occasions.
Okay, sufficient opining from moi. The Closing is performed through a number of checkpoints. Every checkpoint begins and ends in the course of the ocean on the Sinister, which suggests an ungodly quantity of swimming. Keep in mind after I mentioned Kyland could be proper up there with Jordan so long as the Closing wasn’t set in Seaworld? Whoops. Gamers are awarded factors after every checkpoint based mostly on the place they place, however we don’t know what number of factors are related to every rank, and no standings might be revealed till the very finish.
The primary checkpoint known as “Sandblast,” and the gamers have to swim out to an island, run 5 one-mile-long laps throughout the seaside to gather puzzle items, assemble mentioned puzzle and swim again to the Sinister. Jordan is essentially the most dominant swimmer, so his technique is to take an early lead at each checkpoint, placing as a lot distance between himself and the following man, so he’ll have an honest time benefit for no matter puzzle bullshit awaits.
Bananas lags behind a bit, acknowledging that his superior age is lastly making it more durable to maintain up with these spry whippersnappers. He rationalizes that he’ll have the ability to stand up to the bodily and psychological ache of the Closing for longer, theorizing that the much less skilled guys will burn out. Regardless that he will get to his puzzle final, Kyland’s swimming is so atrocious that Bananas overtakes him within the water for a third-place end.
In the meantime, Derek, who has been filled with surprises this season, manages to lock up second place to Jordan even with a three-minute time penalty from dropping final week’s day by day. Equally, Michele is a assured swimmer and runner and begins off the Closing on a excessive with a first-place win. That is big for her confidence, which has been flagging throughout a lot of the season, particularly as the one feminine first-time finalist/non-champion within the group.
Checkpoint I Outcomes: 1st Place, Jordan and Michele; 2nd Place, Derek and Jenny; third Place, Bananas and Tori; 4th Place, Kyland and Rachel.
For the following checkpoint, “Ghost Ship,” the challengers swim to an deserted ship the place they have to dive beneath to memorize a logo board, then climb again onto the boat and replicate it at their fixing station. Small variations imply it requires consideration to element, and Michele blows her lead after misidentifying a barrel, demoting herself from puzzle queen to puzzle peasant.
Checkpoint II Outcomes: 1st Place, Jordan and Jenny; 2nd Place, Bananas and Tori; third Place, Derek and Rachel; 4th Place, Kyland and Michele.
At this fee, it looks as if Jordan has this fully locked up, with two first-place finishes in a row while barely breaking a sweat. The puzzles are too easy to present anybody an opportunity at catching him. Bananas and Derek are battling it out for the second spot, however with the Karma Factors wrinkle, there’s in all probability no world the place Bananas locations above third.
The final checkpoint of the day known as “A Thousand Steps,” as a result of as soon as the gamers swim to their seaside, they have to climb a thousand stone steps earlier than swimming 500 meters to a raft. On the raft, they’ll have a vantage level to view a picture of a cranium depicted on coconut timber, which they’ll then recreate at their puzzle board. Nonetheless, in the event you get the puzzle improper, you must swim again to the raft earlier than making an attempt once more, so the stakes of every guess are excessive.
Rachel and Tori are falling behind, operating the course side-by-side as Jenny and Michele push forward. Rachel says one thing to the impact of, “we must always run collectively for ethical help,” and Tori is like, “uh, okay?” They vomit up salt water and maintain it shifting.
When Kyland finds out that much more swimming awaits him to finish his puzzle, he takes a piss on the instruction signal — unfavorable Karma Factors for poor sportsmanship? He will get an excruciating quad cramp within the water, and accepts the truth that his purpose has shifted from profitable the Closing to finishing the Closing.
Checkpoint III Outcomes: 1st Place, Jordan and Jenny; 2nd Place, Bananas and Michele; third Place, Derek and Rachel; 4th Place, Kyland and Tori).
Darkness falls, and it’s time for the notorious in a single day problem. Each muscle is in pure agony, however the present should go on. I’ve at hand it to manufacturing for making a concurrently hilarious and brutal concoction. For a number of hours, the gamers will alternate between two thirty-minute duties: beneath deck, they’ll rely a large bag of cash, just like the comically massive form you see in a cartoon about financial institution robbers. Then, on the primary deck, they’re compelled to sing a six-line sea shanty continuous. That’s some twisted, prisoner-of-war music torture shit. On the finish of the night time, their placement within the problem is decided by their coin rely accuracy. Kyland, that is your second!
The singing might be worse than the counting. Regardless that it’s “simpler,” at the very least the counting carries an goal that retains your thoughts alert. The singing is simply cruelty for the sake of cruelty. They need to have given Bananas his guitar.
The one one that can’t maintain it collectively is Jenny. As the total moon rises, she transforms from bubbly bodybuilder right into a cantankerous blob, like Demi Moore on the finish of The Substance. She gained’t cease whining about how a lot ache and distress she’s experiencing, interfering with everybody else making an attempt to rely their cash in relative peace. There’s nothing worse than having to endure by way of another person’s annoying voice whenever you’re at that stage of exhaustion the place you’re concurrently drained and wired on the identical time. It’s like using a midnight bus after a full day of touring whereas the individual behind you yammers away on their telephone.
Up till this level, Jenny has been dominating — she’s the one girl who doesn’t have a last-place end, and her lowest placement was second. A meltdown from Jenny is a big opening for the remainder of the women if they’ll maintain her unbearable moaning from undermining their focus. It’s so unhealthy that it prompts a freakout from Jordan, who screams at her to close up. Possibly as a substitute, he ought to simply remind her to visualise her white blood cells regenerating to heal her ailing physique.
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