Southern Attraction
The Birds and the Bs
Season 10
Episode 9
Editor’s Ranking
2 stars
**
Picture: Bravo
I’ve at all times stated that Southern Attraction is a present about terrible males and the ladies who tolerate them, however with every passing season, it looks as if the ladies turn out to be an increasing number of irrelevant. Being a girl on this present has at all times been extra treacherous than Miss Patricia’s one loop across the block in her Rolls-Royce. Within the early years, it struggled for Cameran to have something to do aside from narrate the “beforehand on …,” and regardless that Madison is without doubt one of the nice reality-television practitioners on Bravo, she’s had little to nothing to do since her breakup with Austen and détente with Shep.
Nevertheless it’s getting even worse. Salley and Taylor aren’t seen within the episode in any respect aside from Taylor fairly actually cleansing her home within the very opening moments of the episode. Poor Molly, our candy, candy Molly, solely will get a scene the place she’s modeling in a swimming pool for a Charleston purse model. You already know she didn’t receives a commission for this gig. Even Molly admits there is no such thing as a work for fashions in Charleston, so — very like all the ladies imagining that Jonathan Bailey will go down on them — it’s a cute fantasy, however I don’t see it occurring in actual life.
Of all of the slighted ladies, nonetheless, Venita has it the worst. The episode opens with the form of humiliation that nobody would need recorded for posterity or offered to the general public. She has absolutely the disgrace of getting to name Leva and inform her that she was rejected by JT, a person whose complete Instagram feed is crypto scams. God, that has to sting. What’s even worse is that you recognize JT was at all times a “possibly” for Venita. She was at all times on the fence after which he confirmed some attraction, so she was like, “Okay. Perhaps.” However then she goes for it, and he’s like, “No,” and he or she simply desires to be like, “You have been solely a possibly within the first place, and now this possibly is giving no? Please!”
Leva is certainly among the many slighted ladies right here, however she earns her paycheck when reacting to Venita’s information over the telephone. “I’m so mad at this loser. That’s not cool in any respect,” she says when she finds out that JT dissed Venita as a result of he has a girlfriend. Who is that this girlfriend? None of you might have met her. You wouldn’t know her. She lives in Canada, our 51st state. Then Leva provides, “I’m sorry that occurred. Oh gawd, ew.” And I’m not even getting funky spelling it “gawd”; that’s what the subtitles did for us on the display. That’s the nice overlords at Bravo themselves saying to Venita, “Sorry we put you thru this. You deserve hazard pay. Can we set you up with Captain Jason?”
The remainder of the episode then was in regards to the boys, significantly as a result of Miss Patricia hosted her annual gents’s dinner. There was just one scene the place the blokes talked about their relationships with one another, and that was when Austen went to do oyster shooters with Madison in the course of the day. He says he loves hanging out together with her now that she treats him like her “GBF” or “homosexual greatest buddy.” Sorry, Austen, however that’s not what being a GBF is like. It entails far more buying, far more Bravo gossip, and undoubtedly far more dong discuss than most girls want to acknowledge. Madison isn’t treating him like he’s homosexual; she’s treating him like a straight man who she isn’t going to have intercourse with once more. Perhaps the distinction between Madison and all the opposite girls Austen has Platonic relationships with is that Austen additionally is aware of he won’t ever have a shot together with her once more. That may be his secret to having feminine mates, to understand he’s by no means attending to the promised land irrespective of how arduous he prays, so every part else can simply be photographs and emotions talks.
The remainder of the scenes with the blokes, nonetheless, are about their relationships with their girls. Craig and Paige go to a bee farm as a result of Craig desires to show his dwelling into Southfork Ranch or some shit. He desires chickens, he desires goats, he desires cornfields fertilized by his very personal compost. Sadly, his “neighborhood” received’t permit him any of this, so the one animals he can get are bees. Too unhealthy Paige hates bees. She additionally hates animals. She hates farms. She hates Charleston. She hates Craig.
Which may not be true. In all honesty, I couldn’t actually take note of something that Paige was saying in that entire scene as a result of Craig’s arms have been trying completely astonishing below his grey T-shirt. I don’t suppose she hates Craig, however the struggle they’ve on the farm places their impending breakup in perspective. I feel Paige’s greatest level is that she is sick of getting to take care of all of this speak about infants and marriage at 31 when Craig by no means needed to take care of it. Preach, sister. However whereas there may be one thing she will do about her relationship and the questions her accomplice has for her, I feel dismantling centuries of spiritual doctrine and misogyny to handle equality in heterosexual relationships is past the remit of each her and the present. We additionally know they’re heading for a bust-up, so it’s not like we have to dig for indicators when she has spelled out the apparent reply for us many instances.
It’s a bit extra treacherous with Shep and Sienna. The present has deliberate its entire huge journey round Shep going to go to his girlfriend within the Bahamas, however she looks as if she would a lot relatively do something — clear her gutters, renew her license, have a fast elective surgical procedure — than hang around with Shep and the crew. He FaceTimes her and thanks her for internet hosting them upfront. “Um, what day are you coming?” she asks. Okay, that’s the reply of somebody who doesn’t care. He asks if he’s going to get to satisfy her household whereas he’s down there. “They’re all elsewhere,” she, a girl who doesn’t care, says. Then he asks if she has something deliberate. “Mmm. For certain,” she says each whereas not caring and doing probably the most cursory of ChatGPT itineraries for a bunch of actuality stars visiting her homeland.
It’s clear to everybody round them that Sienna has little or no curiosity in carrying on this relationship. When Shep says that they are saying, “I like you,” Austen says that she solely stated it to maintain Shep on the hook for no matter cause she desires to. I completely imagine that. On the gents’s dinner, Shep says that she’s arduous to come up with as a result of she has a lot occurring, however on FaceTime, she informed him, “I’ve a lot of free time.” Proper. She appears to be making it fairly clear that she has the time to speak to Shep; she simply won’t have the inclination.
At dinner, Whitney takes it somewhat bit too far, which could have one thing to do with the slur in Whitney’s voice that began even earlier than he broke one in every of his mom’s vintage chairs. He tells Shep that he’s not wealthy, thrilling, or well-known sufficient for Sienna, and that’s the issue. Approach harsh, Tai, but in addition it looks as if it’s an increasing number of of the reality every time we meet Sienna. Whitney additionally tells Shep that she reached out to him on Raya first, however then he says he by no means texted her. So, sure, they matched, however till contact was made and a date set, I don’t suppose this actually constitutes as something. If everybody I messaged “Hey, good-looking” to on Grindr was off limits, then my mates wouldn’t be capable of discuss to a single man between five-six and six-one-million” and the ages of 23 and 94 in any main metropolitan space in the US, Europe, or Brazil.
It looks as if as soon as the gang will get to her island, issues are going to get even worse for Shep. Actually, after all of the shit he’s pulled with ladies over time, I’m greater than somewhat blissful for him to get a little bit of comeuppance.
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