Illustration: Maanvi Kapur
A lifelong New Yorker, comic Charlie Bardey grew up downtown and continued to cohabitate along with his brother till not too long ago. Now that he lives alone in Brooklyn, he’s attempting to really feel extra comfy cooking for company. “A giant journey for me has been studying to not be self-conscious about it,” he says. He spends most of his days bouncing between writing, going to exhibits, and recording his breakout podcast, Exploration: Dwell!, with co-host Natalie Rotter-Laitman, which takes observational comedy and applies a contact of the profound. (A latest dialog about actuality tv advanced into one a couple of normal concern of the unknown.) His meals veer between the rigidly routine — yogurt and berries for breakfast — and the haphazardly improvisational: sending out a flurry of texts to safe dinner plans. Nothing fills Bardey with extra concern than discovering himself with nothing to do on a Friday evening. “For me, emotionally,” he says, “that’s an emergency.”
Wednesday, August 20
This Wednesday morning, as is the case each morning if I’m dwelling, I’ve the identical breakfast: Greek yogurt, watered down just a little bit, with blueberries and just a little jam. It’s fully important to my life that I get up and have principally the identical factor each day. In any other case, the choice of what to have for breakfast fully breaks me. If I’m lacking a part piece (the yogurt, the berries), I lose an hour short-circuiting.
I all the time get my blueberries from Mr. Kale, my favourite grocer within the metropolis, a part of the Mr. Fruit chain celebrated on this very journal. Let me add to the refrain: It’s fabulous. Open 24 hours, and the produce is so low-cost. The opposite evening, I purchased two pints of blueberries for 2 bucks every. It’s excellent for my life-style since I normally come dwelling fairly late, perhaps as a result of I internalized the fallacious lesson from the track “Cabaret” from the musical Cabaret.
I’m virtually solely a morning-coffee individual, although I’m in just a little little bit of a transitional interval as a result of I simply discovered that in case you have one other espresso all through the day, you may get far more carried out. For the previous six months, my espresso machine has been damaged. When I attempt to use it, the machine (a Ninja my brother snagged from an previous workplace) beeps thrice, signaling, based on Google, a water-flow concern. Proper now, its main perform is conveying to company that I’ve my life collectively sufficient to personal an enormous fancy espresso maker. As an alternative, I drink Café Bustelo instantaneous espresso, which I just like the style of. However extra essential, I like telling folks I just like the style of it. Sorry to be all 2014 about it, however it might probably nonetheless generally really feel so good to subversively recognize it.
At 11 a.m., I document my podcast, Exploration: Dwell!, with my co-host, Natalie. I like her, and I like making this podcast! Proper now, we’re recording remotely as a result of Natalie has a job in Los Angeles. Once we document in individual within the Headgum workplace, we’ve got entry to workplace snacks, which, due to our jobs as comedians, isn’t actually so acquainted to us. There’s novelty to the little packs of nuts and the protein bars. However we strive to not eat whereas recording as a result of our listeners have made it clear they don’t prefer it. If we slip for even a second, persons are like, “That is triggering to me. It’s horrible. You can’t do that.”
We begin sluggish in the present day as a result of Natalie’s recording earlier than work at 8 a.m. (God bless her), however we discover a compelling groove in discussing the sensation of wistfulness. Natalie talks about making a peanut-butter soba noodle for dinner, which I pay attention to.
After the podcast, I eat a peach, which I’ve set out from the fridge to heat a bit. Peaches are heavenly proper now. I believe I’ve between two and three a day. I’m going to the gymnasium, after which I return dwelling and make my smoothie, which incorporates yogurt, frozen blueberries, water, psyllium husk, whey-protein powder, and creatine. The actual key ingredient of the smoothie is psyllium husk, which has been superb for my digestive well being. I actually advocate it, to not be a pervert.
I do some bit of labor (sit at my pc, bounce my leg, and change between tabs), and for lunch I’ve leftover tofu curry a lover made for me. (Aww.) I work extra, then determine I want a second lunch, so I make a tuna salad. It consists of two cans of tuna; the three scallions I’ve in my fridge; a couple of mini-cucumbers, diced small, which I purchase at Mr. Kale ($1 for a bag!); mayonnaise; salt; pepper; celery seed, my favourite seasoning; just a little cilantro; hành phi; and lemon juice. It’s completely scrumptious. I like getting ready meals you could style and alter as you go. I eat it with Wasa crackers whereas hunched over my pc taking part in Pokémon Showdown, a web-based Pokémon battle simulator that I play for, conservatively, three hours a day. It’s a big concern in my life, and my habit to it’s, to me, an indicator signal of the best way my consideration has change into dysregulated.
I bounce my leg furiously for a couple of extra hours earlier than assembly my pal Richard Perez for dinner. We go to Captain Dan’s Tavern, certainly one of my favourite spots within the metropolis. It’s type of only a basic bar, however the meals is nice, the kitchen is open till 2 a.m., a Excessive Life is $4, and my pal’s fiancé is a line cook dinner there, so the vibe is true. I recognize a workmanlike high quality to eating places and bars — easy and efficient, assembly all kinds of wants. I get a burger and fries, and Richard will get the Caesar salad with hen, which is my different favourite factor right here, although I believe (and I’m saying this with like to Captain Dan and his household) it’s a bit overpriced.
I’m going dwelling and eat chips, a couple of items of the raspberry darkish chocolate I all the time have within the fridge, a couple of handfuls of honey-roasted peanuts, and one other peach. I play 100 extra hours of Pokémon Showdown, learn 4 pages of The Magic Mountain, and go to mattress at 100,000,000 p.m.
Thursday, August 21
One thing type of good about having the identical breakfast each day is you discover new depth in it. Some mornings the blueberries are mealy. Generally they’re crisp and tart. Generally the yogurt tastes like ice cream and I relish it; generally it tastes like paste in my mouth and I choke it down, determined for it to be over. It doesn’t matter — I’ve to eat, and something is price not having to start out my day with a choice.
After breakfast, I’ve a tutoring session. I bike to Windsor Terrace and do my finest to show a rising eighth-grader algebra so he can do higher on the SHSATs. Biking dwelling, I’m so hungry, and I really feel frozen as to how you can proceed with my day. As a contract, underemployed comedian-podcaster-writer, I largely make my very own schedule. I selected this path partially out of a ardour for writing and performing but additionally largely out of an antipathy for waking as much as an alarm clock. Most days I get up between 9 a.m. and 11 a.m., and I find it irresistible! Nonetheless, it usually means I’m compelled to construct the aircraft of my life because it flies, so to talk.
I determine to eat out however then find yourself caught, unable to decide on the place. I want a protein-forward meal, a espresso, and a cushty sufficient setting during which I can (attempt to) write. My intuition is Lincoln Station, a candy, unassuming sandwich place and occasional store in my neighborhood.
Like Captain Dan’s Tavern, Lincoln Station is a utilitarian choice: good — not overpriced — meals and an honest working setting. As ordinary, although, trying to work at a café is a catastrophe. I sit outdoors as a result of the tables inside are stuffed and I don’t need to sit on the counter-height stools. Exterior, the wind retains knocking over my desk quantity, and I hold selecting it again up like Charlie Chaplin. There are a couple of bees circling, which I don’t thoughts, however when a server brings out my sandwich — a meatball sub on ciabatta — the bees actually swarm. They return even once I swat, which makes me really feel just like the bees and I don’t have an open and trustworthy relationship. I really feel unheard and brought benefit of and silly. I transfer to a distinct desk, farther away from the potted flowers, and eat my sandwich rapidly.
I’ve been flirting with unhappiness all day, however I’ve my first sip of espresso and really feel higher and excited and begin to write. I run into my pals Free and Caroline, who reside close by, after which run into my pal and neighbor Cameron, which, after all, feels fabulous. I’ve lived in my neighborhood now for seven years, so I’ve met lots of people who reside round right here. This additionally makes me really feel rooted in group, like an older individual in a small city within the south of France, a sense we will all aspire to.
Caroline will get a slice of Lincoln Station’s gluten-free olive-oil cake and gives me a chew, to which I say, “Can I’ve a chew?,” to which she says, “Sure, that’s why I simply supplied you a chew,” so I’ve a chew. It’s scrumptious.
After my 4 p.m. assembly, I’m going to the gymnasium, which is crowded within the afternoon with individuals who work extra (no offense) common schedules. I return dwelling, have my smoothie, and bike to Bushwick to see my pal Max Wittert’s present I Can Steal Your Mom at Life World. It’s the third time I’ve seen the present. I find it irresistible! After, somebody asks me about my sneakers, and I reply for eight minutes, throughout which era I fail completely to provide you with one salient and coherent level to make (they’re comfy however not that comfy? Or they’re cool? Or they’re tremendous?), and I notice I’m so hungry. Max and I and about eight different folks stroll to El Santo, the place I get a Corona and a hen burrito. Earlier than it comes, I joke that I’m so hungry I’m going to swallow it complete in a single gulp like a capsule. It arrives, and it’s so scrumptious that I principally do swallow it in a single chew like a capsule, which two folks comment on, and I really feel proud in a boyish method.
After biking dwelling, I play Pokémon Showdown till time ceases to exist, learn 12 pages of The Magic Mountain, and go to mattress at an hour so late they haven’t even provide you with a phrase for it.
Friday, August 22
The blueberries are higher in the present day — tart and crisp. Auspicious!
I head into the town to hang around with my youngest brother, Henry, who’s about to go away for his first semester of faculty (!). We meet at my favourite institution within the metropolis — Harper’s Bread Home, on Grand and Forsyth — which makes, to me, the most effective onigiri within the metropolis. We get two every of spicy eel, spicy crab, butter hen, and seaweed salad and eat watching handball within the park. It’s an ideal meals expertise, and it’s the primary place I like to recommend to anybody who asks me the place to eat within the metropolis. I grew up round that space, and I’ve been going since I used to be a child, and I’m so glad it’s nonetheless open. I miss Prosperity Dumpling, the place you can get 5 fried pork dumplings for a greenback. They closed after there was an exposé about how they had been truly making the dumplings within the alleyway behind the shop. And I’m type of like, Yeah, woman, they’re 5 dumplings for a greenback. What would you like?
Again dwelling, I notice, to my horror, I’ve no plans tonight. I really feel forgotten and misplaced. After sending some texts, I safe the define of a plan: Make dinner with (for) my neighbor Vince, after which we’ll head to my pal Julio’s occasion. For Vince, I find yourself making the soba peanut noodles I’d been eager about. I improvise the peanut sauce. It’s the fundamentals: peanut butter, soy sauce, honey, toasted-sesame oil, a little bit of water, rice vinegar, grated ginger, and garlic. For a most important, I poach bass in water and soy sauce with a ton of scallions. After the bass is completed, I throw in some Broccolini and poach that. I serve all of it collectively. It’s nice!
Each of my dad and mom — and, particularly, my father — are gifted dwelling cooks, so I’ve all the time understood cooking and internet hosting to be of paramount significance to profitable maturity. I understand how to cook dinner decently, however internet hosting is more durable for me, and I’m simply now studying how you can serve meals with out equivocating, apologizing, and projecting a deep neediness: “It is perhaps too salty,” “The oven was bizarre” — that type of stuff. I’ve been attempting to follow a small and unassuming “Oh, I’m glad!” as a response when somebody compliments my cooking. We’re being evaluated continually, nevertheless it’s type of a bummer to point out that you just’re eager about it.
We bike to Julio’s. Earlier than heading in, we cease in a bodega, the place I counsel we purchase this new Corona product, Sunbrew, which guarantees “actual orange & lime peels.” We additionally purchase a bag of peach gummies, my favourite factor to carry to events. Everybody loves sweet, and it’s a pleasant and low-cost factor to carry. On the occasion, we strive two Sunbrews, and they’re horrid — method too candy; cloying, even. No one else touches them, even when there’s no different alcohol left. What might they see that I couldn’t?
Saturday, August 23
I get up with no plans, fully terrified. I’ve a celebration later within the evening, however a brilliant and exquisite day stretches forward of me with nobody to share it with. I really feel like I’m going to die. Saturday days are a type of black field to me. Friday nights, Saturday nights, Sunday days, Sunday nights — all of them have clear imperatives. Saturday day is anybody’s guess. When you have got a boyfriend, Saturdays are for going to furnishings shops. However I don’t have one, so I’m fully misplaced.
Like divine gentle from Heaven, Richard calls and asks what I’m as much as. He meets me at my home, and we set off. We get matching chilly brews and a single egg tart to separate from Lisbonata, a brand new Portuguese bakery close to my home. We strive going to Bagel Pub, nevertheless it’s mobbed, because it all the time is on a weekend. We defer our bagel plans and head off to satisfy my different little brother, Alec, who’s working the Jap Parkway Open Avenue. He works for NYC DOT, and I actually couldn’t be extra pleased with him. We hang around for a bit earlier than getting a bagel at [redacted], which is unhealthy, however we’ve got a pleasant time.
We head to the park and choose up peaches on the farmers’ market however detour three avenue blocks into Park Slope to discover a bottle of water that resonates with Richard’s wishes. We discover a grocery retailer on Seventh and purchase shrimp chips, toffee pretzels, and two big and silly Essentia waters, a product so idiotic that I can’t assist however find it irresistible.
Richard leaves to see a dance efficiency within the Rockaways, and I meet my pals Mohammad, Hayley, Jovvi, and Dylan to go to a block occasion run by Rhodora wine bar within the south of Prospect Park. We get there, hungry and unwilling to attend within the meals line, so we go to Risbo, a French rotisserie restaurant in Flatbush. I’ve a serious dilemma, which is that I’m imagined to get dinner with my pal Max, with whom I’m co-hosting a celebration later within the evening, however I’m hungry now. I waffle and find yourself ordering surprisingly: a scoop of bourbon-vanilla ice cream and a facet order of hen. They arrive on the similar time, and I eat the ice cream first. Mohammad and Dylan order huge platters of meals. I’d gambled that I’d be capable of mooch off them. And I do.
I bike dwelling, bathe, and meet Max at a Mexican place, the place I order a ceviche and have 1,000,000 chips, all of which makes me really feel bloated, in all probability because of this being my second full dinner. We return to Max’s place and lightweight candles for the occasion. I set out a bag of Carambars, and we batch white negronis. Max is an awfully gifted host and chef; his condo is tasteful and exquisite and stylish and playful, so events at his home are all the time fully fabulous. After everybody leaves, Max and I play Smash, and I get on a bus dwelling. I’m drunk from the white negronis — too drunk to prepare for mattress — so I find yourself doing nothing on my pc for 100 hours and go to mattress after 5 a.m. I don’t even attempt to learn The Magic Mountain.
Sunday, August 24
I get up hung-over. I drink water alone. I look in my fridge, and I’ve blueberries however no yogurt. This can be a catastrophe — my system is falling aside. Every part is falling aside. I can’t bear in mind if I’ve pals or family members.
I make a plan to go to my pal Yoshiki earlier than he leaves city for six weeks. I inform him I’ll choose up sandwiches alongside the best way. I don’t love any of the bodega sandwiches round me, however I choose Past Pure Market on Bedford and Fulton. I’m going in and the vibe is odd and forlorn. The market is the dimensions of an airplane hangar, and a lot of the cabinets are empty. Nation music is taking part in that the man working the entrance appears fully tired of. I discover a deli counter within the again, and the person working there appears to be like frightened that I’ve discovered him. I ask for 2 turkey-egg-and-cheeses and amble across the empty aisles. I get my sandwiches and an iced espresso, and Yoshiki and I eat collectively on his roof. The sandwiches are excellent (I get mine with mayo) and solely $5.50.
I initially have plans to get dinner with my ex-boyfriend Anand and his new boyfriend, Alex. Once we had been courting, it was Anand’s dream to have a Grub Avenue Weight loss program, however he’s a tenant lawyer in Queens Housing Court docket, so it doesn’t appear doubtless he’ll ever get one. The connection’s ending was notably painful and fraught, so my inclusion of our dinner is a gesture of apology and gratitude. Sadly, although, he and Alex get again too late from a weekend journey. Generally issues don’t work out!
EAT LIKE THE EXPERTS.
Join the Grub Avenue e-newsletter.
Vox Media, LLC Phrases and Privateness Discover
See All