Illustration: Ryan Inzana
Constantine Rousouli has lived on the planet of the Titanic on and off for the previous decade. He co-created the Broadway musical parody Titaníque along with his co-star and former roommate Marla Mindelle and director Tye Blue. Now, because the present barrels into Tonys season, Rousouli is pushing via ten reveals per week and stepping again from his postshow partying days. “I used to be doing Depraved on Broadway, going out till 5 within the morning hammering vodka-sodas, waking up for a 2 p.m. matinee, and will nonetheless deliver the home down,” says the onetime Fiyero. “Now I’ve a glass of wine and I need to homicide myself.”
Thursday, April 16
I get up at 8:30. I do scorching water and lemon within the morning to get all the things going, after which I instantly march my ass to Sweetleaf to get an iced espresso with almond milk and a rosemary biscuit. I home the fuck out of this biscuit as a result of it’s completely unbelievable. It’s buttery, it’s dense, it’s chilly, nevertheless it’s nonetheless moist on the within. I do know that’s a difficult phrase for some individuals, however she’s moist.
I am going to my wonderful natural grocery retailer Jubilee and get floor beef (93/7 solely), eggs, and fruit. I am going again to my condominium and make two cups of the bottom beef with 4 pasture-raised eggs. I additionally do a big-ass bowl of berries — strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, honey — that I eat with the bottom beef and eggs. You’ll be able to name me a meat-and-fruit sort of homosexual.
I stroll the Pulaski Bridge to the 7 practice at Lengthy Island Metropolis, then take it to the 1 at Occasions Sq.. That music “I’ll stroll 500 miles” is about me. That’s how a lot I stroll. I’ve a fitness center in my constructing, however I really like individuals and I need to go to an actual fitness center. Now that I’m again on Broadway, I’m joyful to have a steam room to assuage my voice earlier than I’ve to sing. I am going 4 days every week tops — minimize to these five-show weekends the place you will have double reveals back-to-back, there’s no approach in hell my outdated ass goes to be going to the fitness center after which doing two reveals.
After the fitness center, I head throughout the road to the twenty fourth Avenue Entire Meals. It’s the second-best Entire Meals within the metropolis. The perfect — and their scorching bar is significantly better — is Columbus Circle. Bryant Park can choke. I’ll by no means go to that Entire Meals ever once more.
Though it’s near the theater, I can’t even be seen there. I am going to get a big-ass natural rotisserie hen. Sorry, I’m on this natural kick. Every thing must be natural. I put loads of different shit in my physique, however then I whip round and am like, “Yeah, it must be natural.” I went to Brazil three years in the past for New 12 months’s with buddies and I ended up getting a parasite that lasted in my physique for 9 months. I used to be like, Cool, cool, cool, tight, tight, tight. Rounds and rounds of antibiotics that didn’t work. My abdomen prolonged out like ten inches, I couldn’t put pants on, no meals was being digested, my joints have been hurting for 9 months, like I used to be pregnant. My sister’s an acupuncturist, and she or he was like, “Go to this Chinese language medication physician in Chinatown.” I really like holistic shit. I am going to this man, he provides me this protocol, we kill the parasites. However he additionally stated, “It’s a must to change your weight loss plan.” So I used to be a carnivore for 2 months. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, pink meat, nothing else. No greens, no fruits, no starches, no sugars, no no matter. The parasite was gone inside two weeks. I’ve by no means appeared higher in my life. The psychological readability was unbelievable, the clearest I’ve ever been. My pores and skin, all these bizarre little pimple bumps I had on my shoulders from lifting, utterly gone. I appeared like I used to be 12. I used to be like, Ought to I simply be a carnivore? However that’s loopy. I want greens. So after some time, I began including extra stuff again in.
I get potatoes from the recent bar as a result of I’m mainly a meat-and-potatoes sort of man, which I by no means thought I used to be, however I assume I’m. I’m a fucking rubbish disposal, okay?
I eat all of it on the theater with my palms. I’ve no time to take a seat and put together utensils and all the things. The present is in 45 minutes. Initially, the place am I going to place the hen when it’s out of the bag? It’s not like I’m going to have a chopping board on the theater. So I scrounge it like an absolute monster, ripping items of meat. After which the bag simply sits there and I’m like, “Effectively, I assume I acquired to go onstage now.”
I am going residence and make eggs cooked in Irish uncooked butter with sea salt. I at all times cook dinner with butter or olive oil. Not doing seed oils, mama. I can simply digest the eggs proper earlier than mattress and I don’t need to get acid reflux disorder. I want extra eggs. I’m Gaston from Magnificence and the Beast and I want six eggs. I even have a pair squares of darkish chocolate with sea salt, as a result of it’s a must to.
Friday, April 17
I get up and I completely need to kill myself. I’m exhausted. But it surely’s nice. I’ve my scorching water and lemon, after which I head to my different favourite new espresso store, Espresso Test. I lived in Harlem earlier than Brooklyn. I used to be in Harlem — completely located for Broadway — after which I introduced I’m going to Broadway and transfer to Greenpoint proper earlier than. Silly fool. Greenpoint just isn’t straightforward for a Broadway commute. However I’m joyful.
I needed to do away with my outdated furnishings, so my buddy Mariano Testa helps me. He’s a artistic director however does inside design on the facet. He simply has one of the best eye. We meet for espresso and a croissant, and he reveals me his temper board. I hate it. Simply kidding, I adore it. It’s all the things I would like and extra. I am going again to my condominium and do some laundry. Then, I’ve my identical beef and eggs round midday. I head to the fitness center and seize a rotisserie hen to devour in my dressing room. I’ve a solo dressing room, thank God. I wouldn’t dare eat a rotisserie with anyone within the room. Throughout Titaníque the primary time round, I acquired COVID like 4 occasions. I left a rotisserie hen within the fridge whereas I used to be gone. I come again after ten days, open the fridge, and it smelled like a lifeless individual’s physique was in there. I used to be like, “You guys — how does no person clear the fridge? What the fuck is that odor?” And so they have been like, “Hey, woman, you’re the one one who makes use of the fridge.” Oops! It truly was mine from two and a half weeks earlier. I used to be like, “We gotta get a brand new fridge.”
I do the present and head residence. I’m outdated. I don’t exit anymore. I want I might vicariously dwell via my 23-year-old self, the place I used to actually keep out till 6 a.m. wasted at a bar after which do two reveals and be utterly high quality.
Saturday, April 18
On two-show days, I want a ton of espresso: Once I get up, proper earlier than present No. 1, and proper earlier than present No. 2. My espresso order is at all times a chilly brew with almond milk and easy syrup. I needed to change from Splenda. I used to be hooked on Splenda for years. That’s most likely why I acquired the parasite. I’ve my beef and eggs and head off to the theater.
I at all times get to the theater 45 minutes earlier than curtain. I heat up for about 20 minutes, then give my voice a second to breathe. By showtime, it’s nice. It doesn’t go to sleep. It seems like we’ve woken the bitch up, and she or he is able to belt her tits off.
I do the primary present; it goes effectively. I am going outdoors and signal on the stage door for my one adoring fan, then I steam. Earlier than Titaníque, I took an enormous break from theater. I used to be off form doing these two-show days. I instructed myself, I really like theater a lot that I wanted to take a step again, as a result of I didn’t need to hate the factor that I cherished a lot by getting caught within the rat race of all of it, the Broadway biz and the silly shit that goes together with it. I’ve finished these productions earlier than the place you are feeling like a cog in a wheel. The place’s my genuine self? The place’s my means to simply present part of me, not be a carbon copy of anyone else? I don’t need to try this anymore.
I skip the rotisserie hen and deal with myself with a hen membership on a whole-wheat wrap from Carve. Carve is what acquired me into wraps. It was a roast turkey wrap with chipotle mayo, mozzarella, and crispy onions. It will punch me within the face so exhausting. I cherished it a lot.
We’ve got about two and a half hours between reveals. I can’t stroll all the best way again throughout the planet to Greenpoint, so I’m caught for the day like a bag girl. Thank God I’ve a dressing room. I’ve a tremendous cot. I shut up. Everyone’s outdated and all of us take naps, after which we reconvene on the half-hour. I’ve to go to everyone’s dressing room to say hello. Social butterfly!
We’re at the moment doing five-show weekends, and Saturday nights at 8 p.m. are the toughest. Inside, I’m dying a gradual loss of life. I need to completely homicide myself, regardless that I nonetheless kill it. After the second present, I get Schmackary’s: On two-show days, I want that disgusting, unbelievable Funfetti cookie. I am going residence but once more as a result of I’m a loser. I make the eggs instantly, take a bathe, possibly steam, and get my ass into mattress. I attempt to watch actuality TV — I simply began Rhode Island Housewives and I’m residing for it —however I go to sleep inside three seconds.
Sunday, April 19
One other two-show day. I get my iced espresso, make my eggs and beef, and get my ass collectively even quicker as a result of it’s a 2 p.m. and a 6:30 p.m. this time. Marla, my co-creator and mind sharer, at all times makes enjoyable of me for the eggs. Between reveals, I shut up and go outdoors to signal on the stage door. Individuals are at all times like, “Wait, who’s that? Oh, you’re not Jim Parsons.”
Sunday night time is at all times my favourite as a result of we’re delirious and the physique’s identical to, “Haha, joke’s on you. You’re doing this once more.” Fortunately, as a result of it’s an earlier present, we’re finished by 8:15. If anyone I actually love involves the present, I’ll seize some dinner after with them. A staple is Morandi within the West Village. Generally I simply want some cacio e pepe, child. I really like that place. And there’s a tremendous restaurant proper by my condominium referred to as Glasserie that I really like. Tonight, nobody particular involves the present, so I get a Schmackary’s chocolate-chip cookie, make my eggs after I get residence, and utterly move out.
Monday, April 20
Most Broadway reveals are off on Monday — not us. I drag myself to Espresso Test, and my publicist Sam begins texting and calling me. I’m like, Lady, it’s too early. “CONGRATULATIONS!” “For what?” I discover out I’m nominated for a Drama League Award. First time ever for me as an actor. The present has been nominated one million occasions, however for me personally — I used to be named, and it felt like I’ve been seen. You want me. You actually like me. I head to Jubilee. Then I am going residence and make my beef and eggs. I do know I eat an insane quantity of meat, however I’m Greek, so it was at all times round. So was fish, however I’m probably not a fish individual. Sushi? I’d slightly eat rats than eat sushi.
I am going to the fitness center and do arms. I pull one thing in my neck. I home my rotisserie hen and do the present. It’s my ninth present in a row. Yet another till a day without work.
Snooki and Luke Evans each come. Iconic combo. Snooki is like, “This is likely one of the biggest reveals I’ve ever seen. I really like this film.” I head residence and make my night time eggs, and eat a bowl of beef-tallow chips that I acquired at Jubilee. They’re cooked in beef fats. Gross. I stated I wasn’t doing seed oils anymore! The red-meat-every-day of all of it actually ignited one thing in my mind. I haven’t gotten sick, I really feel so nice, so I’m not going to ask questions. I’m certain persons are going to be like, You’re loopy and also you’re QAnon. However I’m not. Nonetheless homosexual, nonetheless a liberal!
EAT LIKE THE EXPERTS.
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