Southern Allure
A Medium Uncommon Apology
Season 11
Episode 6
Editor’s Score
2 stars
**
Salley’s pining for Craig, Craig’s crying to ChatGPT, and Shep’s sporting stained khakis to a gala.
Photograph: Bravo
Throughout this episode, Shephard Rose, a ship shoe that developed organs, goes to go to his cousin Marcie, and he or she grills him about when he’s going to cool down, a query that ladies are all the time asking on this present, after which males are shrugging at it as if to bounce the query into the roiling waters of the Atlantic. Wait. The place do I do know Marcie from? Was she … on the present? I’ve recapped this present since season 4 (what am I doing with my life?), and I bear in mind Danni and Chelsea and Cam and even Gizmo, Naomie’s cat, however there’s only a black gap the place Marcie needs to be. Was she on one of many COVID seasons? Science says we’re already dropping our COVID recollections, and possibly that’s the place Marcie lives.
There have been a bunch of different random scenes this week. Molly went to Whitney’s Stabbin’ Cabin simply to provide him a spite-flavored cupcake, and I cherished each second of it. Whitner went to Craig and Austen’s restaurant, By the Approach, they usually didn’t even point out that it’s Craig and Austen’s restaurant. We received a quick glimpse of my final Bravo crush, Craig’s enterprise companion, Jerry, whom I need to present me an Excel spreadsheet after which smother me along with his arms, like they’re two of Craig’s pillows. We met Charley’s sister, Davis Renee, whose first identify is both a full sentence or the identify of a skin-care line we will’t afford.
Throughout this whole episode, there have been solely two scenes of consequence, and the primary is the one the place Venita and Salley meet for drinks to speak about Salley’s unrequited love for Craig. This was a heartbreaker of a scene as a result of Salley arrives and tells Venita there is no such thing as a method she goes to cease hanging out with Craig. Venita tells Salley all the fitting issues, that Craig doesn’t care about her, that he’ll “maintain you and stroll you want a canine on a leash till he’s achieved with you and he’ll let that leash go,” and that he’ll break her coronary heart. Salley says that she must study that on her personal, however no, woman, you don’t. Hearken to your pal. Let her intervene. Take somebody’s recommendation for one in your life.
The final word irony is that we all know that Salley is completely ruining her friendship with Venita, fucking up her standing within the pal group, and placing all the pieces at risk for a person who isn’t even that into her. He’d reasonably hang around with Charley! Venita’s finest line of protection with Salley is to say that Salley needs to get married and have children. If that’s her endgame, then Craig will not be the one. He’s on this right here present confessing that he would take again Paige if she requested him, and he or she thinks that he’s going to be the person to place a child in her after which lead her to early retirement on his pillow fortune. He hasn’t even kissed her but, and he or she’s driving this difficult for Craig. I imply, he does have an excellent head of hair, however Craig? Do I have to italicize it once more? Craig?
The opposite scene of consequence occurs at Patricia’s annual Gents’s Dinner and Chair Breaking Contest, the place, as soon as once more, a chair is damaged. This time it was by Stephen, a newcomer and English Nigerian physician. Wait, why was this man invited, and Rodrigo, who is definitely a member of the forged, wasn’t? Is that this a homosexual factor? Is that this homophobia in motion? Miss Pat wants a homosexual there to inform her that if chairs hold breaking, it’s both time to get extra chairs or extra Ozempic, one or the opposite.
Everyone seems to be dressed nicely for this white-jacket dinner. No, wait. I take that again. Shep arrives sporting a pair of stained khakis, an orange-striped shirt he received from the Tommy Bahama outlet retailer, a gash on his brow from a moving-related accident, and a white jacket on high. He seems to be like he’s going to his first fraternity formal, and his date is his cousin Marcie, whom nobody remembers. Whitner additionally may have achieved higher. He’s all attraction, however he’s sporting a white jacket over a black shirt and has a bow tie that appears like two geese fucking. It’s like he’s dressed as a member of Mumford & Sons in the event that they have been enjoying a state funeral. It’s a sequence of selections I don’t perceive in any respect.
On the dinner, Patricia asks Austen when he and his girlfriend are going to get married, and he shrugs his shoulders. The query bounces off and tries to seek out the roiling waters of the Atlantic, however as a substitute it settles for a storm drain by the curb and decides to fester there till Austen simply breaks up along with his girlfriend, which has already occurred. There isn’t a lot in the way in which of dinner dialog as a result of Austen is in a relationship, Craig is chatting about how he has Salley and Charley as choices, however actually solely likes the blonde one, and we all know nothing about Stephen. Issues don’t actually get fascinating till Austen asks Craig to go exterior for a chat.
Craig needs to be ready for this chat as a result of he’s been speaking to his new therapist, ChatGPT. I’m formally an previous and whereas I’m not against AI, I don’t have a lot use for it. I can Google and do my very own analysis. I’m an expert author, so I can often energy by way of one thing sooner than I may determine the prompts to get AI to put in writing it for me. I don’t have to provide you with journey itineraries as a result of I do all my journey planning by looking out “[City I’m visiting] homosexual bar” and simply going with that. Yeah, I don’t get AI, and I’m all the time questioning who these individuals who speak to it prefer it’s their pal or use it as their therapist are. In fact that particular person is Craig. This truth should be the mint as a result of it makes all of the sense. (I don’t want AI to inform me that joke would work higher out loud.)
I need to say that ChatGPT shouldn’t be your therapist, however, truthfully, it appears to be working for Craig. He experiences that he cried whereas speaking to his cellphone as a result of it made him understand he wants to shut the chapter on Paige and transfer on to sleeping with a few of the baddies who’re clogging his hot-tub drain with their extensions. However, then once more, he additionally says that he would get again with Paige, so, I don’t know, possibly the conclusion isn’t nearly as good as he thinks.
It additionally will get him to apologize to Austen for freaking out at him at Whitner’s literary get together, which each he and Austen are nonetheless mad about. I don’t consider this apology in any respect as a result of in his confessional, Craig says that Austen’s downside isn’t with him; it’s with himself for being in a nasty relationship. That’s so like Craig to shirk duty like a lady simply requested him when he and his girlfriend are getting married. Craig asks for some “grace” from Austen, and it strikes me that “grace” is the “gaslighting” of 2026, and I would like it to crack in half like certainly one of Miss Pat’s dining-room chairs. Craig does say he’s sorry, that he misses hanging out with Austen, and that he’s upset that his outburst created a lot harm.
Austen accepts his apology, however he’s proper to supply the caveat that he can’t take care of Craig and his instability anymore. He says he doesn’t know when Craig goes to snigger at certainly one of his digs or if he’s going to flip his wig like a RuPaul’s Drag Race tour bus flying off a cliff. He says that they’re advantageous so long as Craig doesn’t snap at him once more, however, come on, we don’t want a ChatGPT therapist to know that it’s inevitable. Craig is sort of a mousetrap, and the spring is cocked. It may sit there for hours, for days, for weeks, as rodents take little nibbles of the cheese with out setting it off. However as certain because the waves crash on the shore, scattering questions on when unhealthy males will get married, finally that spring goes to pop, and somebody’s neck goes to get snapped together with it.
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