Photograph-Illustration: Sarah Kilcoyne
Comic Liza Treyger’s first Netflix particular, Night time Owl, debuted on January 28, and he or she nonetheless isn’t over it: “I maintain taking footage of myself on the house web page,” she says. She spent the week having celebratory lavish dinners — and the occasional afternoon cocktail — earlier than inevitably coming down with the flu. Even that hasn’t dampened her spirit as she celebrates the primary anniversary of her transfer again to New York after 4 years in Los Angeles. “It’s simply type of magical,” she says. “Even after I’m sick, I’m like, I’m in my New York condo. I’ve uncovered brick. Are you able to consider it?”
Wednesday, January 29
It’s 2:40 a.m., and I’m with three girlfriends at my condo. We’re drunk, consuming Taco Bell, and watching Intercourse and the Metropolis. Heaven. I had a celebration celebrating my Netflix particular, and I actually didn’t need it to finish. I order a Crunchwrap Supreme and a cheese roll-up with steak and potato; we additionally get a selection of communal tacky potatoes, a cheese quesadilla, and a dozen of the custard-doughnut issues. That is insane conduct; again on the celebration, I had roughly 100 cupcakes, many chocolate blunts and white-chocolate “joints,” one strawberry shortcake, and one cookie. I like to overorder, particularly after I’m wasted.
I get up at 8 a.m. and am not completely happy about it. I crack open a crisp can of Fresca; my fridge is so chilly that it’s just a little slushy on high, and it simply hits. I might often return to mattress, however I’m nonetheless raging about some drama from my celebration the night time earlier than, and I need to unleash it, so I textual content my finest buddy. She retains me in verify, however I’m an individual who stews, so then I do what each self-help guru would inform you to not do within the morning: scroll on my telephone, watch new episodes of Actual Housewives of New York and Beverly Hills, and play my every day film video games and Tetris.
I move again out and stand up round midday for the total day. I’m heading to midtown to be on the Bennington radio present at Sirius. I dwell above a espresso store, and I really like the odor of espresso and bacon that wafts by my window on daily basis. I additionally love being an everyday there; it fills me with pleasure after I get a free or discounted espresso, or after I’m simply ready in line and see that my drink is prepared. I really like moments that make me really feel like I’m in a New York fantasyland. I often get an iced espresso with a splash of half-and-half or an Arnold Palmer, however I’m feeling additional particular as we speak, so I get a grimy iced chai latte. It’s good.
After the interview, I head to the constructing’s first flooring to kill time at Del Frisco’s. I order a Maker’s Manhattan straight up and a rainbow roll with tuna, salmon, avocado, and sesame seeds. I like wanting round in any respect the enterprise individuals carrying tech vests. It’s 3 p.m., so it’s a bizarre crew of people that work at Fox Information or are dishonest on their wives in Connecticut. I reply to messages in regards to the particular. I’ve heard from individuals throughout each a part of my life — highschool, elementary faculty, comedy friends — aside from two: my mother and father. I believe my sister informed them I’d be busy and to go away me alone. However, for the file, that isn’t what I need. Even when I ignore your name, you need to be calling me.
One in all my favourite individuals is on the town from London. She is a associate at a PR agency, and he or she has conferences round midtown. We’re presupposed to get dinner, however I all of a sudden get a textual content from a buddy asking, “Are we nonetheless right down to see Demise Turns into Her? I acquired us tickets.” That’s the first of many plans that had been made whereas I used to be blackout drunk the night time earlier than. I’m just a little bummed that I’ve to hurry by dinner with my buddy, however she’s a chill, cool girl. We now have espresso martinis, and I comply with her to her subsequent assembly at some resort, the place we’ve two extra Manhattans. They ship over a hummus plate with pita and little tomatoes that I actually take pleasure in. It is a particular week for me — I don’t usually have Manhattans all day lengthy, however tonight, I’m hammered, and it’s 5 p.m.
I take into consideration taking my buddy to the Smith — she’s like, “I simply desire a salad in a steel bowl,” as a result of to her, that’s American — however we stroll to Ocean Prime as a substitute, because it’s near the theater. I order one other Manhattan. We share a $48 lobster mac ’n’ cheese, and it’s price each penny. We run into hassle with the caviar deviled eggs. We assumed it will be one egg and a hunk of caviar; as a substitute, it’s six deviled eggs. As in, three full eggs. The yolk is piled excessive, like a soft-serve cone. I want the waitress had stated, “Hey, it’s numerous eggs for 2 ladies.” We go away lots behind.
I order a Food regimen Coke for some vitality and stroll right down to see the present. It’s wonderful: The seats, the music, the wardrobe, the dancing, the set are all unimaginable; plus, they’ve among the finest Broadway merch I’ve ever seen. I purchase water and peanut M&M’s throughout intermission.
I finish my night time with a Glacier Freeze Gatorade Zero, a joint, and leftover pad Thai from NaNa Thai Road. I’ve by no means ordered from there earlier than. I often go by amount of critiques, and this place had over 10,000. I don’t care if 900 individuals favored it. I need to know if 7,000 individuals favored it. Should you’re a brand new enterprise, I can’t belief you.
Thursday, January 30
I’m nonetheless in a rage in regards to the drama at my celebration, however, similar to my finest buddy instructed me to, I waited 24 hours earlier than sending an aggressive textual content very first thing this morning. I play my common film video games. The solar is deceptively vibrant; it’s 28 levels outdoors. I’m a hero and stroll to SoulCycle. Karen, the trainer, is a jock and leads an intense class. I went to her class the day after the election, and I used to be just a little nervous as a result of her title is Karen and he or she’s blonde, however she was devastated. We had been all type of crying.
I cease at my deli for an egg, pepper jack, and hash brown on a croissant and a container of cut-up mango. The hash browns are a brand new addition. I at all times add them to breakfast sandwiches from McDonald’s, however a few weeks in the past, the bodega man prompt all of it on his personal. I didn’t even know that they had little hash-brown pies on the bodega. I used to be like, “Yeah, motherfucker, that’s precisely what I need.”
I cease at my espresso store for my common iced espresso and watch The Actual Housewives of Salt Lake Metropolis whereas doing admin, catching up on emails, and harassing my well-known mates to put up about my particular. I used to be informed you simply need to get determined. After two extra telephone conversations speaking in regards to the drama, it’s now 3 p.m. I haven’t showered, and I’ve early dinner reservations — additionally plans made whereas blackout — at 4 p.m., which is exceptionally early for dinner, however it’s additionally the one possibility when everybody’s a comic and has reveals later within the night time. I handle to reach solely six minutes late.
Dinner is at El Pengüino — one of the best. The chef and proprietor, Nick Padilla, is so gifted at making one of the best variations of easy meals. Between my mates Laura Peek, Jared Goldstein, and myself, we order virtually every thing on the menu: boquerones with a tomato French dressing and a pleasant crusty bread, gildas, steamed clams (which at all times makes me consider The Simpsons), roasted oysters, plus a uncooked platter with three oysters, six shrimp, crab salad, scallop aguachile, and tilefish ceviche. It’s all served with a aspect of saltines and Ritz. Jared leaves for an early present, and, naturally, the gals keep for 4 extra hours. The vibe is so good, and we don’t need to go away. I’ve two espresso martinis, a Tito’s and soda, and what I believe is one of the best Cosmo within the metropolis.
Laura and I meet up with two different mates. I’ve time for yet one more Tito’s and soda earlier than I’ve two spots on the Comedy Cellar — a 9:25 and an 11:55. I get a can of Food regimen Coke immediately. I do know individuals go gaga for the fountain, however I’m a can woman.
Going to the Comedy Cellar is my favourite factor about New York. Chats and laughs are what I dwell for. Each night time is totally different, and so they all make me completely happy, whether or not I’m doing my spots or simply sitting there till three within the morning speaking shit. You by no means know who you’ll see. Plus, the meals is fucking good. I really like how I can order off-menu and simply get cut-up cucumbers or buttered noodles.
Tonight, there’s a very good group on the again desk — Michael Che, Harrison Greenbaum, Shane Torres, Sam Jay, Alex English, and some extra. The host orders nachos for the desk, Tom Papa model, which suggests all of the toppings are on the aspect. This fashion, you get far more cheese, and I don’t need to eat across the black beans and olives. I solely fuck with the lettuce, salsa, bitter cream, and, not too long ago, jalapeño. I’ve a “geographic tongue,” which a dental hygienist as soon as informed me is the rationale I can’t deal with spice, however I’ve been pushing myself and have made nice strides. To be absolutely trustworthy, although, I largely prefer to scrape the cheese off the plate. Johnny, who made my celebration truffles, is working tonight and introduced leftover white-chocolate blunts for everybody to share. One of many comics tonight is a magician, so he does magic for us in between reveals. It’s unimaginable. My thoughts is blown.
Friday, January 31
I actually need to really feel higher as a result of I’m presupposed to have dinner with my finest buddy on the Commerce Inn tonight, and I’ve three spots on the Cellar. I take a DayQuil and attempt to relaxation. My bestie is an angel and arrives with an iced espresso from downstairs. She not too long ago acquired a brand new job main an entire division. It’s wonderful that she’s a boss, however it has been terrible for my social life. I’m actually excited to catch up, so though I’m not feeling so sizzling, I’m going to push by.
I really like the Quaker cabin vibes on the Commerce Inn and the way it’s nestled into the tiny, curvy streets of the West Village. I used to be launched to it by my culinary hotshot buddy, Alison Leiby, who has a present at Cherry Lane down the road. It’s at all times such good service, however everybody wears denims and just a little white coat. They appear to be they might be in that present The Knick about old-timey medical doctors. It’s steampunk, however not annoying. Did a witch dwell right here prior to now? I hope so.
My buddy’s boyfriend joins, and we grow to be a celebration of three. Boyfriends could be a nightmare, however I really like that he’s right here. All of us like to eat, and when my buddy doesn’t desire a tartare or a bizarre fish, he’s there for me. All of us get oysters, one uncooked, one pickled, and one fried. Normally, I really feel like fried oysters are like a nasty sea-shack kind of meals, however these are superior. We additionally get the lobster toast, spoon bread, home rolls, artichokes, deviled eggs, mashed potatoes, and a rib eye with fried onions. I order a pear tequila drink and a Sarsaparilla pop, which is a “spiced root mix.” I recognize a spot that claims “No, thanks” to large soda manufacturers, however I personally hate it. The mashed potatoes are one of the best I’ve ever had. So buttery. I want I may eat a home roll on daily basis of my life.
I’m clearly degrading all through the night time. I need to push by, however my mates are like, “You’re sick and have to go residence. Your angle is a multitude.” (They’re proper; I flicked somebody off within the toilet line.)
I’ve spots till two within the morning, and I do know I can’t do it, so I cancel my reveals and head residence. I’m fortunate sufficient to have a job that I by no means need to name in sick for, and it pains me to do it as a result of my buddy from London deliberate on assembly us for a enjoyable post-dinner Cellar night time. Basically, I actually hate canceling, however nobody’s mad.
Going to the deli takes every thing out of me. I purchase a pink and blue Gatorade, Food regimen 7UP, ginger ale, and NyQuil. I’m in mattress earlier than 11.
Saturday, February 1
I’m formally sick-sick. I cancel SoulCycle, bagels with mates, a birthday gathering, three reveals at Gotham, and two on the Comedy Cellar. I’m so sick I can’t even concentrate on the brand new Drag Race episode. I can’t actually eat till 4:30 p.m., after I lastly order from Ippudo. I’m often a chicken-noodle or matzo-ball soup girlie after I’m sick, however I actually desire a lengthy noodle. I order two pork buns — purchase one, get one free — and miso ramen with two eggs. I can barely eat something, and I don’t know why I assumed I used to be about to down two eggs like that lizard from The Rescuers Down Below.
Later, I’ve three sprinkle-covered gummy bears leftover from after I did a present at Financial system Sweet. I acquired paid 100 {dollars} for the present and spent $45 on sweet. Having by no means been earlier than, I used to be in heaven.
I attempt to watch some YouTube movies however can barely focus. I eat a few white-cheddar puff Cheetos, take a NyQuil, and go to mattress.
Sunday, February 2
I nonetheless haven’t any vitality. I am going to the deli and get a buttered, toasted bagel; it sucks figuring out that tremendous bagels exist throughout me, simply out of attain. I can barely transfer. I additionally get a citrus zing juice with lemon, orange, ginger, lemon-lime, and some grape Gatorade Zeroes. They undoubtedly choose me at this bodega. My bodega guys could be very chilly, however I don’t want heat as a result of they’ve 12 flavors of lollipops.
Immediately is my first anniversary of transferring again to New York. I nonetheless can’t consider it. I adore it right here. My total life flourished after I moved again. I spent the summer season strolling to the Cellar and working across the bridge. I’m actually corny about it. Anytime I see the tip of a constructing, my coronary heart sings. The romance is there for me on daily basis, even whereas I’m extraordinarily sick.
I bragged about my dinner plans for tonight all week; somebody should’ve given me the evil eye, and that’s why I’m sick now. Three mates and I had been presupposed to go to Bernie’s in Greenpoint and never have to attend for a seat as a result of Rachel, our buddy who works there, was holding a desk for us at seven. Rachel is the best. One time, I noticed her carrying Danskos, so then I additionally purchased Danskos.
Normally, after we go to Bernie’s, we wait round for one or two hours and are completely happy to do it. We adore it there. Had we gone tonight, we’d’ve ordered the mozzarella sticks, chilled shrimp, and a mint-chip sundae. There would’ve been an extended dialogue with the group about entrées, sides, and salads. However typically you simply need to lie in mattress all day and watch Males in Black. I’ll be again in that horny pink leather-based sales space drawing on the paper tablecloth with crayons quickly sufficient.
EAT LIKE THE EXPERTS.
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